True computer jargon

State-of-the-art - Any computer you can't afford.

Obsolete - Any computer you own.

Syntax Error - Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object.

GUI (pronounced gooey) - What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it.

Computer Chip - Any starchy food stuff consumed in mass quantities while programming.

Keyboard - The standard way to generate computer errors.

Mouse - An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Floppy - The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.

Hard Drive - The sales technique employed by computer salesmen.

Portable Computer - A device invented to force business people to work at home, on vacation and on business trips.

Disk Crash - A typical computer response to any critical deadline.

Idiot Proof Programs

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot proof programs and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. 

So far, the Universe is winning.

This weeks Blue Screen of Death - You Scream.

Blue screen of death joke

The weekly Blue Screen of Death image only on Funny Geek Jokes

The reason why dinosaurs got extinct

Scientists have shown that the moon is moving away at a tiny, although measurable distance from the earth every year.

If you do the math, you can calculate that 85 million years ago the moon was orbiting the earth at a distance of about 35 feet from the earth’s surface.

This would explain the death of the dinosaurs…the tallest ones, anyway.

Woman & Nurds

A nurd was walking on campus one day when his friend, another nurd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle. The first nurd was stunned and asked, “Where did you get such a nice bike?”

The second nurd replied, “Well, yesterday I was walking home minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, ’Take what you want!’

The second nurd nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit.”

Woman & Computers

What’s the difference between a computer and a woman?

A computer will accept a three-and-a-half-inch floppy.

Serotonin & Dopamine Joke

Serotonin & Dopamine Funny geek Joke

Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Departmental Manager

A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Departmental Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car’s occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?

“I know,” said the Departmental Manager, “Let’s have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way.”

“No, no,” said the Hardware Engineer, “That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car’s braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way.”

“Well,” said the Software Engineer, “Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again.”

Diamond Dad Under Pressure

Diamond Dad Under Pressure

Atoms Walking Down the Road Joke

So, two atoms are walking down a road together. One atom says to the other, "Hey, I think I've lost an electron!" The other atom asks, "Are you sure?" The first atom responds, "Yes, I'm positive!"

Coder Following Instructions Literally

Did you hear about the Coder that got stuck in his shower for a week?

The instructions on his shampoo said: Lather, rinse, repeat.

Ten kinds of people in the world

There are only 10 kinds of people in the world:

Those who know binary
And those who don't

The First Computer Technician Joke

Who was the first computer technician?

Eve. She had an Apple in one hand and a Wang in the other.

Geeks & Their Spare Time - Comic Strip

Geeks spare time comic strip

Random Binary Numbers Joke

The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.

PHP Programmer Light Bulb Joke

How many PHP programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. It's a hardware problem.

Software Testers Light Bulb Joke

How many software testers does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they just recognized darkness, fixing it is someone else's problem.

PHP Programmer Light Bulb Joke

How many PHP programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

We looked at the light fixture and decided there's no point trying to maintain it. We're going to rewrite it from scratch. Could you wait two months?

Resentful to Microsoft Windows

Window 95 is a 32-bit extension for a 16-bit patch to an 8-bit operating system originally coded for a 4-bit microprocessor by a 2-bit company that can't stand 1-bit of competition.

Cautious Programmer

A good programmer is someone who looks both ways before crossing a one-way street.